Changes...

My life, and therefore my blog has shifted focus. I will no longer be updating this blog, but have a new link. If you'd like this link, please inbox me on facebook (velda65 is my username) or email me at velda65@cogeco.ca and I will happily share it with you.

My theme song...

Velda's schedule today. Gown at 7:30am est, down to OR -- Biopsy 8:30am...takes about an hour...they will keep me for about an hour, so 10:30 provided no complications from anesthesia and procedure

Monday

Scared.

Broken Hearted (Warning - language)

Apart from my own children and family realizing the extent of my illness, I have tonight discovered the one biggest broken hearted part of this whole fucking crap. Tonight on facebook I was chatting to my friends when 3 of my former daycare girls came online and started talking to me. One had spotted my eldest son in the mall and started talking to me about it, asking for my cell number, wanting to call me at home. She went on and on. I couldn't avoid anymore and asked if mom or dad were home, that I needed to talk to them. I called dad and broke down as I told him what had happened and to please talk to his precious girls. He cried, I could tell he was trying to hold it together as his daughters were there. I managed thru, we exchanged thoughts and I hung up the phone. I bawled my eyes out. I had spoken to a mom of two of the other girls just a few hours before. She told her girls. She, just as broken hearted, sent me messages of support and love from the family. The youngest girl spoke, with so many special words, interlaced with pictures of crying happy faces and angry happy faces. I didn't know what to do. For the first time I didn't know how to help these special young children who have poured themselves all over my heart for the last 6 years. I was at a loss. I just don't know how to deal with the other two to come. I want to show them all that I'm physically just the same, fat, squishy, huggable, laughing and goofy. But yet I sit here crying my eyes out unable to protect their precious, fragile hearts from the pain of my illness and the confusion and questions and possible anger they may have. I feel absolutely useless and hopeless. I hate this feeling. Adults can deal, kids shouldn't have to, especially the kids I love. This fucking sucks. I have now become angry and I so didn't want to go there. It's not fair for the children. I could ALWAYS protect the children, and now I can't. I don't know how to cope with this part. It's just not fucking fair.

cancer sucks....

9am friday my tongue and chin were numb and it went away right away...about 1pm same day it came back, really bad and then went up my face/nose...thought we better go to the hospital, as we drove, my fingers, one by one, on the same side went numb...in emerg waited for nurse, she took one look at me, took me to the back and I had a seizure and was out until sometime sunday afternoon. They scanned me while I was out and found 3 tumours in my brain...I don't recall which days but I had a neuro bone-body scan and then another cat scan..they found a dime circle on the back of my left lung Monday, they will ultrasound it, pinpoint it and stick a needle in and pull some out, diagnose it and we'll go from there. Benign, malignant, nothing to worry about, fatal etc etc....I should know more mon-wed of next week

Catch up, again.

Hi everyone! Life is busy :) I can't believe my last 'personal' post was the end of August. And here we are nearly the end of September.

The weather has been gorgeous this month, sunny, warm, slight breezes. I've found myself actually wanting to weed the garden. I've lost a few pounds but nothing significant.

It was my 44th birthday on the 15th. I went to a Lia Sophia jewelry party that evening. As usual, my amazing sisters (in-law) had a little party for me with gifts and cake and the most DELICIOUS cranberry wine I've ever tasted. Sadly the wine is only available at the Rossignol Estate Winery on PEI, so if anyone is going to PEI anytime soon.....







I received a few lovely gifts:

A gorgeous hanging candle lantern from Teri, A beautiful willow angel from Ashlee, Scrumptious pumpkin mug and Starbucks card from Tammy





A week or so later we took the kids to the corn maze at Fruition and had a great time!





On the way back, my husband told me about a cemetery that's hidden away. It was hidden away alright. We had to ask for directions, he was very very close, but we never would have found it. It's unlabelled. You had to drive down this millionaire's private driveway and take the right fork in the road to the parking area. There is a tiny sign on the fence that just says 'cemetery' in plain black lettering. Then you walk for quite some time and voila, a cemetery, right on the shores of Lake Ontario. Very odd. The stones are very scattered, they are *many*, some with obvious well known Kingston names. The nicest part is that there was a map indicating each stone and the writing on them. I wish every cemetery had this!



We continued back and my sister wanted to stop into a little gift shop that is located in the back of a house (I'll have to get the name of it later, as I've forgotten) She had some of the most amazing things. I fell totally in love with this journal from India. Hand tooled front and back, deeply leather scented and paper made entirely of cotton fabric. I think I'm going to fill it with my favourite quotes that I've collected over the years. It's such a beautiful book. I'm glad I was able to whine my way into my hubby buying it for me as a belated birthday gift :)




Continuing back to Kingston, we stopped into the Canex on base so my sister and I could stock up on new "Support the Troops" items. I am STILL looking for the red and white ribbon (not the red/white/blue from the Legions) -- I see it on cars everywhere, but have never been able to find where they purchased it. I replaced the keychain that I left on my grandfather's grave in NS this summer, bought a pen and some small charms which I plan to make into earrings to wear on Red Fridays

Speaking of troops, I had a wonderful talk with my cousin Byron who is currently serving in Kandahar. He's doing well and enjoying the hot weather. I hope he comes home safely. At which time my other cousin Paul will be headed overseas. Please support our troops, the brave men and women of our forces.

My kitties are so much fun. These two, Misty and Mittens are always together..they snuggle together and eat together and play together..I just had to snap this photo...








I bought this for myself for my birthday from kija.ca Please take a look around. The pieces are GORGEOUS! Prices are reasonable and the customer service is personal and fast!



Well I guess that's it for now. We are off to New Hampshire tomorrow to visit my dear friend Robin. I am SO excited! Okay friends, I'll be back soon with a full trip report and photos!

Rest in Peace

Pte. Jonathan Couturier, 23, died in an IED strike southwest of Kandahar city on Sept. 17.

(Source:cbc.ca)

Yet another loss...

Lormand, 21, of the 2nd Battalion, Royal 22nd Regiment based in Quebec City, was killed and four others were injured in a roadside blast from an improvised explosive device on Sunday afternoon, the military said.

These soldiers are so young, this just breaks my heart for these families of the fallen. I know people read the stories and see the photos in the newspaper, but this time it was more for me. A friend on a social networking site was attending to the surviving soldiers of this attack and she shared photos of them, as well as a photo of the hand of a small injured Afghan boy (expected to survive)...it made it so much more real. As I've said before I have a cousin and 2 friends currently serving in Afghanistan and I hold my breath each and every time I hear bad news..Another cousin will be deployed in March. I pray *all* our heroes come home safely.

Please continue to support these courageous men and women.



(Source: cbc.ca